The Pledge

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Don’t Bash the Loving Out of Me

A poem by Maureen Watson

 

The party’s over and I sit here waiting,

For you to come thru that door

And my guts are tied up in knots inside,

And we’ll go thru it all once more.

If there’s any female Gods up there

Why can’t they make you see

You’re bashing you head against a brick wall

Bashing the loving out of me.

The good times don’t make up for the bad

In the beginning I thought they could,

Sure we had our fights and arguments

But the making up was good.

And life was a game till the babies came

Then more pressure and jealousy

And you lash out in your frustration

And you bash the loving out of me.

Oh, you cry to me after, and you swear you’ll change

And you beg me not to leave you

But it builds up and then, we go thru it again

So how can I believe you.

I turn away from the fear in my babies eyes

That everyone but you can see

You kill a child’s pride in her

Daddy While you bash the loving out of me.

Some people have to fight from the day we’re born

But its us women who are black and blue

Praps its our love gives us strength to carry on

Like the love I have for you.

But I live sick inside with the waiting

For the violence I dread will break thru

And don’t ever think I’m not pushed to the brink

But I don’t bash the loving out of you.

Your enemy is inside you,

Deeps wounds fester where you can’t see

Well take them out of there, confront them

Don’t bash the loving out of me.

I’m tired of making excuses for the things you do

I’m tired of carrying the guiklt and the blame

You’ve got to be able to front up to yourself

To own your violence, your shame,

I know the day will come that I have to leave

I only hope that they you’ll see

And as time goes by, I know we’ll both cry

Cos you bashed the loving out of me.

 

Maureen has now passed away and permission to use this poem was given by her son.

Make a pledge to end the silence on violence against women today: http://www.whiteribbon.org.au/myoath#swear-form.

 

Real men should swear…

Swear never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against women.

Please support White Ribbon Day today to bring to light the cycle of physical abuse that happens against women.

The reality is that anyone in your life maybe experiencing violence towards them and you wouldn’t know. These people need our help to find their voice to fight back.

 

Much love,

Bing xxx

 
 
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The Cure

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Morning readers,

I have been thinking a little bit about self-esteem and the way in which it can affect an individual. I have lately been experiencing a few ill feelings towards a few aspects of my life and thinking about the way in which I have been dealing with them. Before starting my exercise regime, I would have most likely let my emotions get the better of me and retreat in to my own private abyss, not talk to anyone or leave the house. Despite what is going on in my life of late, I have actually managed to not do this and I believe that my new-found health kick has to take the credit. After much thought, I have decided to identify the major problems that cause low self-esteem and how to better attack these issues to ensure that you do not become a recluse.

 

1. Self Hate: 

Definition – anger and frustrated about the person you are and you cannot forgive yourself for even making small mistakes.

Cure – do not resign to becoming your own worst critic. No one is perfect so forgive yourself for making mistakes. Making mistakes means positive growth. Challenge yourself to prove the negative comments wrong.

2. Perfectionism:

Definition – living with a constant sense that you may fail because no matter how impressive the achievement, you always feel that you could have done much better.

Cure – set realistic expectations of yourself. Failing something you do does NOT mean you are a failure as a person. Try to focus on the big picture rather than nit-pick at the small details.

3. Poor body image:

Definition – can affect everything from how you behave in relationships to how you project yourself at work so as far as symbiotic relationships, this is a big issue.

Cure – avoid comparisons to others as it leads to heightened insecurities about yourself. Look after yourself with a healthy diet and exercise regime as it releases positive hormones throughout the body. Make an effort and take pride in your appearance.

4. Feeling worthless:

Definition – doubting ones ability to the point that a deep-rooted sense of worthlessness appears which makes you believe that you are not as valuable as other people.

Cure – accept that you have your own special talent that may be different to others and be proud of that talent. Do not take people’s opinion of you as the gospel as this will make you feel like they are better than you. Treat others the way that you want to be treated.

5. Oversensitivity:

Definition – angered by criticism or you literally feel demolished by any comment that’s directed at you,

Cure – listen carefully to the criticism and decide for yourself if it is true or not. If the criticism is unfair, make sure you say that you disagree. If there is truth in the comment, learn from it rather than over-analysing it. Move on and don’t dwell on it.

6. Fear and anxiety:

Definition – the fear and a belief that you are powerless to change anything in your world.

Cure – distinguish the genuine fears and the unfounded ones by challenging your anxieties with facts. Face your fears.

7. Anger:

Definition –  you start to believe your own thoughts and feelings aren’t important to others which can causw repressed hurt and anger to build up, so something seemingly small can trigger outbursts of fury.

Cure – learn how to remain calm and do not let emotions boil under the surface until you explode. Remove yourself from the situation for a little while to breath and calm down. Do not over do it as this will only make your feel bitter when struggling to cope.

8. People pleasing:

Definition – feeling you have to please others so that they like, love and respect you and as a result you end up feeling aggrieved and used.

Cure – learn to say no as your self-worth is not determined by others approval. Be selfish on occasions and at least consider your feelings before others. Set limits on what you will do for others and this will alleviate any future resentment.

 

The sad thing about this list is that for a long time in my life, I actually did experience all of these symptoms of poor self-esteem. The truth of it is that when all of these symptoms are combined altogether within oneself, it not only hurts yourself but ends up extending to the relationships in your life. I have done some really stupid things over the years that have hurt a lot of people and all of which was because I struggled from low self-esteem.I hope some of you will find this post interesting and maybe some will find it helpful in turning their lives around.

 

Much love,

Bing xxx

The Bikini Body Disorder

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Morning readers,

As the termperatures begin to sore in the west of Australia, the need to keep cool is paramount. Lucky we have some of the most gorgeous beaches in the world to cool our little tails. There is nothing better than heading down to the beach, playing some cricket, jumping off jetties and indulging on some fish and chips on the white sand. However, while this seems all well and good, there is one issue that many of us have to deal with before we can even consider stripping off to bathe in the sparkeling waters (besides the Great White issue): the need for the perfect bikini body.

Some of the U.S. magazines and health journals have been reporting on the ‘Bikini Body Disorder’ for quite a while now and while I actually hadn’t heard the term before I did some research. I think it is true that many people in the Western world do in fact suffer from the syndrome that obsesses over having the perfect beach body. Our magazines, particularly my ‘favourite’, Who Magazine, have cover spreads announcing the best celebrity bikini bodies and love to give you diet and exercise regimes in order to achieve the look.

 

The Online Medical Dictionary has a definition for the obsessive disorder: Bikini Body Disorder: An ad hoc term for the female obsession with weight loss and the drive to recapture the svelte ‘bikini body’ of youth.

So with medical journals reporting on it, you actually have to think is it an actual worry?

 

U.S. People Magazine (the Yank version of Who) did an article a couple of years ago on the over-40 bikini body. The editors were chuffed with themselves, placing a bikini clad 48 year old Valerie Bertinelli on the cover announcing “My bikini body at 48: how I did it and the fact I can’t believe I did it!” After reading through the article, you can tell how she did it…cutting down to toddler intake calories and a damn sophisticated eating disorder: one which prompts you to look in the mirror and focus on your ‘jiggly bits’ (I am not sure she realises that women actually have boobs!). The woman wasn’t even happy with a toned 60kg so she practically starved herself down to 55kg just to do the photoshoot. Was it a positive weight-loss journey story? No, it just reconfirmed the obsession of dieting at all costs, even unhealthy costs, in order to fit into that little cossie.

http://news.change.org/stories/valerie-bertinelli-and-the-bikini-body-disorder

As I researched more on the disorder, I was again directed towards the pro-thin/pro-anorexia webpages that I mentioned  in my ‘The Thinspiration’ post (https://bingistryingtogetthin.wordpress.com/2011/11/02/day-two-the-thinspiration/). Is a healthy diet and regular exercise enough for an amazing bikini body that you can be proud to show off? It should be and I know that when I put on my little bikini yesterday, I felt comfortable even though I was only walking around my house. If people were so worried about their ‘jiggly bits’ in a swim-suit, there is no way any of us would leave the house to indulge in the beach or other summer activities. I can guarantee you, I am not sitting on the sand judging everyone for not sticking to a solid three month spring regime to get December 1 beach body ready…I don’t have the time or the care, I just want to cool myself down.

 

Much love,

Bing xxx

 

The Third Weigh-In

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Morning readers,

Yes, I know this post was meant to be done yesterday but on account of misplacing my tape measure, I was unable to post my weigh-in results. Today is the day though and I must admit that I was incredibly nervous on Friday knowing I would have to weigh-in after the weekend. The weekend was going to prove to be a major test for me and my diet in particular.

I had to attend weddings over the weekend. Not just one BUT two! I was fairly certain that I was in for a gain knowing what the food load is like at weddings: cake, sweet things, cheese, a lot of alcohol…oh dear. Also, it was hard knowing I would not be able to control everything I eat unless it was a buffet which even then, would spark temptations. So what happened? Well, due to a very set menu at the first wedding, I was only able to eat the tomato and fennel soup…it was amazing. I couldn’t eat the steak (I can’t eat too much iron) but happily indulged on two spears of asparagus and half a tree of broccoli. I didn’t even touch the dessert. Which, as you can see in the photograph below, looked amazingly yummy. The second wedding was a buffet and considering I hadn’t eaten much in the last 24 hours, I was glad to see some food I could eat. It was important however to not let my ‘starving’ force me to binge. I did have the spinach and ricotta tortellini entree, the sorbet and dark chocolate pallet freshener and had as much meat and seafood as I possibly could from the buffet. The main thing though: I DID NOT HAVE A DROP OF ALCOHOL ON EITHER NIGHT! Yes, I did indulge in a bit of sweetness, a few carbs and a protein overload however, it was a wedding and I know it is nothing that can’t hurt me too much.

Ok, enough talk about weddings and food. It is time to reveal the results of my weigh-in this week and to see whether a naughty weekend at a wedding can in fact, ruin your weight-loss plans.

Last weeks weigh-in and measurements:

Weight: 53kg

Left Leg: 52cm

Right Leg: 53.5cm

Left Arm: 30cm

Right Arm: 29cm

Hips: 83.5cm

Waist: 66cm

Chest: 84cm

Neck: 31.5cm

Today’s weigh in and measurements:

Weight: 51kg

Left Leg: 49cm

Right Leg: 50.5cm

Left Arm: 29.5cm

Right Arm: 29cm

Hips: 83cm

Waist: 64.5cm

Chest: 83cm

Neck: 31.5cm

I MADE A LOSS! A big loss! Two kilogram loss off last week. More importantly, I have shaved centimetres off nearly every area of my body. I can tell though, I am fitting into clothing so much easier. I tried on dresses to potentially wear to the weddings on the weekend and I didn’t cringe at the way I looked in them. I actually looked pretty fine. That is the main thing, I think, feeling good about yourself. When you feel good, people see it and will think you look good too. So I am approximately 6kg away from my goal weight. Although, I am thinking I might have to revise it as I am beginning to consider it unreachable and unhealthy.

Happy and healthy at one of the weekend weddings

My main attributing change to my diet has been my indulgence in more home cooking. I have found the delights of the omelette which provides a nice amount of protein and you can stick almost anything in it to give it a nice kick. My personal favourite ingredients for a low-fat omelette: ham, green capsicum, bok choy and red onion. I actually only have a week to go with my current exercise regime before I begin a new training session as well. I am actually pretty excited to up the workload of my exercise however, I need to remember to take it easy in the first week or so to avoid any injuries.

Sorry it has been a little long winded today, I just wanted you to know the context of my weigh-in. Overall, I am incredibly pleased and proud of myself. I need to keep up the good work.

Much love,

Bing xxx

The Exercising for Sex Idea

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Hi readers,

Unfortunately, I have been unable to find my tape measure so I will have to give you all my weight-loss and measurement results tomorrow however I want to discuss something that I have found to have been one of the benefits of my exercise regime: THE SEX HAS BEEN AMAZING!

I do not want to be crude about this subject nor do I want to go in to too much detail however, I just thought I would share my philosophy and wisdom on the way in which exercise can increase your desire in your relationship. I found this article to support my theory: http://www.free-article-info.com/ArticleDashboard/Article/5-Reasons-Exercising-Can-Save-Your-Relationship/30528

I believe this article to be correct in my current situation and experience. The main idea is that because you are feeling sexy within yourself then it is only natural thing that your partner will identify that sexiness within you too. It is amazingly simple. So, if you are not feeling the steam in your bedroom, readers, jump on that exercise bike and I guarantee you will be back in the saddle in no time!

 

Much love,

Bing xxx

The Boys

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Afternoon readers,

After much retrospective thinking about my post yesterday, I realised that I was incredibly female centred. So, I thought that for my last post of the week I would introduce the celebrity men who I think deserve to be on my ‘Sexy with Substance’ list. These boys are not only sexy but they are incredibly intelligent. In no way should men aspire to look exactly like them but rather, understand that women love a good bloke with some brains. This is to perk you up, guys and girls, give you a bit of eye candy to finish off the long working week. In the deep voice of Sir Patrick Stewart…ENGAGE!

Gael Garcia Bernal: Multi-Linguist and World Film Heavy-Weight.

Brad Pitt: Philanthropist and New Orleans Rebuild Charity Hard Core.

Ashton Kutcher: Twitter Mogul and Former Biochemical Engineering Student.

Ryan Gosling: Oscar Winner in the Wings.

George Clooney: Darfur Advocate and Actor/Director/Writer.

Robert Downey Jr: Been to Hell and Back, Survived, Still One of the Cleverest Actors of All Time.

Hugh Jackman: The Ultimate Hollywood Triple Threat, Tony Awards Winner and the Ability to Host a Decent Oscars.

James Franco: Lost Count of How Many Degrees He Actually Has!

Leonardo DiCaprio: Passionate Conservationist and Scorsese Main Man.

Johnny Depp: Acting Chamaeleon and Thinking Woman’s Crumpet .

Not an exhaustive list and feel free to let me know if I have missed anyone out. Hope you have a good weekend, readers. I will check in with you on Monday with the results of my third weigh-in.

Much love,

Bing xxx

The Worry

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Morning all,

I have been prompted to write this post due to my absolute disgust at Australian Who Magazine and their ‘Most Beautiful’ and ‘Sexiest’ People lists which were announced this month. It appears to me that magazine editors have some real body issues as I seem to notice a bit of a trend…a lot of models, buffed dudes and skinny minnies appear on both lists.

I am not denying the beauty or sex-appeal of these people. They look a lot better than I do however, my concern is the lack of healthy and positive role-models that appear to be on the list. Body image is a big cause of low self-esteem and the cause of deadly eating disorders. I was actually amazed at how many appeared on the list who didn’t previously and a trend appeared…they were there after losing a lot of weight. While part of me says, “good on them, they lost weight and are now sexy”, another part of me says, “so would they make the list if they didn’t lose weight? Would Who Magazine risk having a curvy chickie babe or bigger bloke in their lists?”

Megan Gale

Most Beautiful People List – my suss picks and why:

Megan Gale: reappears on the list looking very less Italian buxom model and favouring a much more svelte frame. When I say svelte, she is literally half the size she was in 2009.

Jackie O: appears on the list for being a ‘glowing new mum’ however, they use a photograph of her post pregnancy and back in her thin pre-pregnancy form.

Keira Knightley: I love Keira and she is impossibly beautiful but for obvious reasons, I have to question her inclusion over some of the other Hollywood beauties with boobies and bums.

Anne Hathaway: makes he way in again for maintaining her toned body? She has a gorgeous set of eyes despite being lost in the mouth at times.

Sexiest People List – more suss picks and why:

Miranda Kerr: Who Magazine writes – “Despite taking the world by storm, the magnetic model doesn’t think of herself as sexy—but does admit to loving the new curves she’s acquired in motherhood”. The photograph does show her with a nice new set of puppies but she is still a super model and she is still super thin!

Ricki-Lee Coulter: Another who appears on the list after a dramatic weight-loss which sees the individual becoming half their size. I actually think Ricki has gone a bit too far.

Miranda Kerr

Where was Christina Hendricks? The other Madmen girly, January Jones made the most beautiful list…why? Was it because her boobs were small enough to fit on the page? Keira made one of the lists…what about Marion Cotillard? She is a non-American beauty with evidence of healthy eating or is that too hard? Or if you wanted an English beauty, how about Emily Blunt? Did we really need to be reminded that Keira has a gorgeous face but you have to wonder if the widely appreciated cheekbones are the real deal or the result of the gaunt monster? Also, if I see Lara Bingle on another sexy list I will hit something…after seeing her on ‘Celebrity Apprentice Australia’ I can understand why she was given the flick by our cricket captain.

Marion Cotillard

Emily Blunt

Christina Hendricks

I guess I am being a bit cynical but I think we should propose a ‘Sexy with Substance’ list…people who are sexy because they have brains as well as good looks or because they hold a high standard of positive body image. Just a thought, maybe you guys could let me know your picks?

Much love,

Bing xxx